Dear Crush,

This is a story about first love. This is a story about first heartbreak. This is a story that changed my perspective on life. As I was writing this, I, myself, was frustrated at how petty and annoying I sounded at times but I guess that’s part of growing up.

I decided that it was time for me to let you go. But I wanted to remember our story first. You think I saw you for the first time at that fateful party, but in fact, I saw you couple times before that.

First encounter: I was sitting with my friend inside a study lounge and you passed by the entrance. I caught a glimpse of you when you said hi to our mutual friend and desperately wanted a better look. So I ran outside and gazed around but you slipped away. Disappointed, I went back to my friend.

Second encounter: It was a formal event that resembled a beauty pageant but for guys. The only reason I came was for the advertised free food and we got to dress up. After sitting down and doing quick sweep of the room, I found you but didn’t recognize you as the same guy that slipped away months earlier. Once again, you sparked my interest as you were the only guy there wearing a sweatshirt and jeans. I asked the girl next to me if she knew you and sadly, she didn’t. I saw you leave halfway through the event and got irrationally sad.

The Fateful party: It was the weekend before the last week of classes for the year. My friend and I told ourselves we wouldn’t go out as we had an important test on Monday. 10pm comes around and the frat was just so close to us and we have been studying the whole day so we decided we needed a break. I just wanted to get drunk and had no interest to impress anyone so consequently, I didn’t even try to look good. I achieved my goal and got pretty tipsy at the party. I was minding my own business and dancing with my friend in a corner and you just had to walk in and ruin my life for the next 6 months. I recognized you, oddly not as the guy from the pageant, but from the initial glimpse. To this day, I still blame/thank alcohol to giving me the courage to talk to you. Never before have I ever talked to a guy first, even when inebriated. I secretly hoped you were a loser so I wouldn’t be attracted to you. But life decides to play with me, so of course, you were charming and adorable while being mysterious and masculine. But the whole time we talked, your behavior should’ve been a blatant indication that you had no interest whatsoever. You kept looking around, appearing bored and ready to destroy my self-esteem. So I decided I didn’t want someone like you and encouraged you to go dance with other girls. I secretly hoped you would decline and it slightly hurt me that you didn’t. Soon, it was time to leave and you didn’t even ask for my number. A handshake was all I got. Seriously, a handshake?! Did you think I was Obama?!

Fourth encounter: A day before my exam, I see you again when I go to get dinner from the dinning hall. I have been going to this dining hall for eight months since college started and I have never seen you there and of course, you would be there just two days later. I passed by you but didn’t make eye contact hoping maybe you would say “hi”. Surprise surprise, you didn’t. I quickly got coffee and planned to get out of there as quickly as possible but accidentally bumped into you and was forced to start talking. I was surprised you remembered me but you were even more surprised that I remembered you. Semi-awkward small talk later, we part ways and you still didn’t have my number. I couldn’t take it anymore and added you on FB later that night. (You weren’t very stalk-able, by the way). This moment was only the beginning of my journey of falling for you. Before the year ended, I think I saw you one more time but damn, you didn’t even give a shit. That hurt me more than anything for a long time. Many times, I would open FB chat and almost tell you how I felt but controlled the temptation because my friends thought that was creepy. School ended, summer happened, but I still didn’t forget you. But this was only the tip of the ice berg of what happens when college starts again in the fall.


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